Easily consumed

 I'm a lot of things but stupid is not one of them.

I am not needy or desperate for friends or attention. 

I don't intentionally hurt people because there is nothing better to do or nothing good on tv.

I did not get involved into the Michael Jackson death hoax because I saw it as a golden opportunity to get attention or internet fame.

You can always recognize that we are all human and we all make mistakes. People make mistakes

Most things can be forgiven.

Some things can NEVER be forgiven.

I am an extremly sensitive person.

When I call somebody my friend, I mean it.

Michael Jackson has made an unchangeable impact on my life.

Both good and bad.

I'm in love with a man that deserves way more than I could ever offer.

I mostly trust the wrong people in life and get fucked over for it.

I mostly distrust the right people in life and get fucked over for it.

(I've never in my life been skinny but hate most foods.)

See That is making everything all about me. That is me being an attention seeking bitch. I'm so glad that last night  all good friends were able to come together and discuss differences and get an understanding of many things that have gone wrong over the past few months. I was able to get a good nights rest knowing that there doesnt have to be a division amongst people that genuinely care about one another. I am glad that people got to say what they needed to say to clear the air. But some things are undeniable unforgivable and there are some words and actions that you cant just turn a blind eye to. All that I wanted to do before walking away from this was to bring peace of mind to the innocent people affected by this online drama. I sincerely apologize to people who just got caught in the middle of madness when all that they tried to do was enjoy Michel Jackson's hoax death investigation. It's not fair and everybody should not have been subjected to people hating me. There was a blog written about me. A very distasteful and sick blog written about me and I have no idea who wrote it. But i actually agree with most of it and i'm sorry with any of you that have been hurt by me even if it was unintentional. Someone told me today to go and look at a few twitters and get a perspective of who and who not to trust. It was like a knife in my heart to read some of the shit that I saw said about me and planned against me. Especially by someone that I honestly would have trusted with my life just a week ago. I spoke with this person last night and im glad that we did. But reading some of their tweets about me really really really fucked me up. Seeing a youtube interview done by a person who at one time I was planning to fly out to and spend a few weeks with, and to have him slam me against a wall on a youtube video, yeah does something to me. Things going on in my life out side of the internet, horrific things that I am experiencing that I refuse to bring to the internet because I dont want it later used against me, all of it takes its toll. I love Michael Jackson and meant every word of my last video. Its so important for people to get the grind of what really happened to him while exercising his message of peace everyday as well in a different experience. This started out about Michael Jackson and it should end being about Michael Jackson no matter what conclusion is drawn. It should not be about an unlovable fucked up girl that NOBODY can fully love or trust. I honestly hope that you guys do Michael justice and see what it is that he is trying to show us. All of you are smart and can work together to do this. I can not face another week of saying the wrong thing to piss the wrong person and risk a blog, video or tweet calling me the worst thought of names. Or accusing me of being people or characters that I am not. Telling me to kill myself or when my stomach bleeds from my ulcer telling me  to "bleed out". I just cant. I remember being four years old and my biological father looking me square in my eyes and telling me that I ruined his life, was unlovable and that I would spend the rest of my life just being a cancer on people. Its fucked up to be 26 years old and hear people that you thought loved you say the same thing. This is not just internet stuff that i'm talking about. I just learned to keep things going on in my actual life away from the internet because of what happened to me before. But there is something very VERY fucked up that im experiencing in my life right now that is also just too much to deal with. I really hope that you guys can now all find the peace and friendship that apparently i was keeping everybody from having. Im sorry. Michael Jackson deserves your full attention and your full dedication to what happened to him. Dont let anything or anybody stand in your way of that anymore. I love you. 

I wrote this

He is and was heaven  bound but heaven not just yet.

Seeking truth and untying tangled knots of hope and submitted confusion 

Staring into the sun and distorting a lost perception

Is he? Is he not?

Looking to everything. Looking to everyone for the answer.

Never looking to him.

Tidal wave of promise rushing to the tips of my toes

Pulling back just as I feel the sensation.

This battle fought for you was never meant to be lost or one

Only fought

I love YOU more.
.