Wow, it's been so long since i've actually taken to this thing... Looking back on previous entries, it's crazy to see the amount of stress and pressure that I seemed to be under. I don't even recognize that person.
So much has happened in the past 18 months. People have died, people have been born and re-born. I have lost many friends and gained many friends. I got to see another side of humanity that I never knew existed. I've found my soulmate but also had my heart broken more times than I could possibly count. What does any of that have to do with Michael Jackson? Well, a lot.
As a whole this entire death hoax has changed us as people.
I recently had the most amazing conversation with someone that changed my entire perspective on all of this.
He made me see that even though Michael Jackson is alive and well, the "death hoax' itself is not what it appears to be. Or should I say not what we've created it to be.
I started this journey when I was 25 years old. I will be 27 in two months. Time has gone by so quickly and I had not even noticed.
I love Michael Jackson and have the kind of respect for him that I don't have for any other person on this earth, but for me personally, the journey has come to an end.
I have neglected so much in my life only to find out the entire purpose behind this was to "LIVE". Michael needs to live. His children need to live and that's something that he was never able to do.
I have made many mistakes and kicked down so many bricks in all of this. I let people inside of me and let them have access to parts of me that should have been completely off limits to strangers. I always told people that they should embrace Michael Jackson the man and not the product... But have I?
The man would never be foolish enough to be such an open book.
The biggest reason that I am choosing to step away from this is because as a whole, I don't feel like people really have learned anything from this. For almost five months, I endured horrible HORRIBLE abuse from what was supposed to be the most loving group of people in the world. MJ fans. Come to find out a lot of people behind this abuse have been doing grotesque and very VERY deceitful things to thousands of people themselves. They were not "exposing" my secrets or calling me out for the better good of the MJ community, but just out of spite and evil because it was something to do.
Who deserves that? Yes they have stopped and I am glad that drama is a thing of the past. But that pain will never subside. People dragging the loss of someone that i love through the mud, People finding personal photographs of me doing a difficult time in my life and making fun of me, starting horrible rumors and attacking others that I care about . Lying to me, using me and playing with me for their own agendas. Everything that happened to me is a reflection of what happened to Michael and it made me wonder. Is this the cycle?
Is this the life that will always be for humanity? It definitely dawned on me why Michael would walk away from everything. What happened to me in just a few months, he had to endure for years.
Do you know what its like to not trust anybody anymore? Do you know what it feels like to feel pain when somebody tells you they "love you" , because you want to believe them but you cant, because believing them equals weakness and weakness equals more pain and disappointment.
Nobody on this earth will EVER tell me anything about Michael. I literally want to just hold him and let him cry in my arms for hours because the pain he felt, I KNOW.
This has been a journey for me and I don't have any regrets... However, i'm exhausted. I'm spent.
I have two videos to finish up and then I will be finished with my series.
I never really got to the things that I wanted to, but it doesn't matter. The truth always comes out and it will :)
To those of you who think that you know me and condemn me. Know that you were very mislead and manipulated. I will pray that God is understanding of you and that you don't have to face judgement for casting your stones at me. What happened in August of this year was the most messed up and traumatic things that I have ever gone through. It has done much damage and was not fake. I came into my chatroom hysterically crying the day that Jonathan hurt himself. Many of you people that have hurt me were THERE. It baffles me how you can say such horrible things when you were THERE when I came in so upset that I couldn't breathe... But I forgive all of you. I really wish nothing but the best for everybody and I honestly mean that. I have found my peace and I love Michael.
I love you very much and I hope that you know that everybody is not out to betray you or hurt you Michael. You have an honest friend in me and I am proving that to you by what I am doing. You can trust me and I hope that I did you proud. You are not the superstar to me anymore, i've grown and you have taught me well. I wouldn't change a thing and I will never ever question your decisions. You got this ;)
Thanks guys :) L.O.V.E
