It's been such a long time since i've written anything in here. Its almost 1:00 am and i've been staring at my ceiling for almost 3 hours now. My mind heart empty and my mind full of so many things.
I made this blog with the intention of getting out things relating to the hoax. My say in things instead of people just making assumptions. Things have calmed down a lot, so I haven't had much of a reason to update this.
Im just thinking about so much. With the prelim hearing going on right now a lot of people are losing faith in MJ being alive. I have not wavered either way. All that I seem to think about is how people have taken very little from Michael Jackson's "death", but I feel like ive learned so much.
Everything we do is usually taken for granted. You never know how beautiful the sound of someone breathing is, until you don't hear it anymore.
Michael seemed to
e a person that really enjoyed simple things in life. Small things that most people take for granted and because of that people called him eccentric or weird.
I have taken on the habit of loving and appreciating small things and that has changed my entire perception of life in general.
I used to know such happiness... Even though ive seen so much pain in my life, I was generally a happy person.
But i've learned to equate happiness with ignorance.
Have you heard the term "Painfully aware"? It's so true. SO TRUE.
I loved. I loved very very hard. I found my purpose in life and had it snatched right from underneath me.
The way that makes you feel is something indescribable.
I know Michaels pain. I know it very well
I know exactly what it feels like to want to disappear. To just want to sleep and not wake up to reality. A reality that you have no control over ... A reality created FOR you.
People often asked why MJ didnt love himself. Why he didnt see his beauty? It was painful to hear him say that he didnt like how he looked. because hes so beautiful.
People just dont understand. They dont get that when everything is taken from you, including your self dignity. It doesnt matter what you see in the mirror. It doesnt.
Life can hurt. It can hurt real bad. And some people just cant handle it. Some people just arent strong enough to handle all of the pain.
some people just choose to disappear...
