moonwalk a mile in his shoes

It's been such a long time since i've written anything in here. Its almost 1:00 am and i've been staring at my ceiling for almost 3 hours now. My mind heart empty and my mind full of so many things. 
I made this blog with the intention of getting out things relating to the hoax. My say in things instead of people just making assumptions. Things have calmed down a lot, so I haven't had much of a reason to update this.
Im just thinking about so much. With the prelim hearing going on right now a lot of people are losing faith in MJ being alive. I have not wavered either way. All that I seem to think about is how people have taken very little from Michael Jackson's "death", but I feel like ive learned so much.
Everything we do is usually taken for granted. You never know how beautiful the sound of someone breathing is, until you don't hear it anymore.
Michael seemed to 
e a person that really enjoyed simple things in life. Small things that most people take for granted and because of that people called him eccentric or weird.
I have taken on the habit of loving and appreciating small things and that has changed my entire perception of life in general. 
I used to know such happiness... Even though ive seen so much pain in my life, I was generally a happy person. 
But i've learned to equate happiness with ignorance.
Have you heard the term "Painfully aware"? It's so true. SO TRUE.
I loved. I loved very very hard. I found my purpose in life and had it snatched right from underneath me. 
The way that makes you feel is something indescribable. 


I know Michaels pain. I know it very well 


I know exactly what it feels like to want to disappear. To just want to sleep and not wake up to reality. A reality that you have no control over ... A reality created FOR you.


People often asked why MJ didnt love himself. Why he didnt see his beauty? It was painful to hear him say that he didnt like how he looked. because hes so beautiful.


People just dont understand. They dont get that when everything is taken from you, including your self dignity. It doesnt matter what you see in the mirror. It doesnt.


Life can hurt. It can hurt real bad. And some people just cant handle it. Some people just arent strong enough to handle all of the pain.


some people just choose to disappear...

The red brick starts...

Wow, it's been so long since i've actually taken to this thing... Looking back on previous entries, it's crazy to see the amount of stress and pressure that I seemed to be under. I don't even recognize that person. 
So much has happened in the past 18 months. People have died, people have been born and re-born. I have lost many friends and gained many friends. I got to see another side of humanity that I never knew existed. I've found my soulmate but also had my heart broken more times than I could possibly count. What does any of that have to do with Michael Jackson? Well, a lot. 
As a whole this entire death hoax has changed us as people. 
I recently had the most amazing conversation with someone that changed my entire perspective on all of this. 
He made me see that even though Michael Jackson is alive and well, the "death hoax' itself is not what it appears to be. Or should I say not what we've created it to be. 
I started this journey when I was 25 years old. I will be 27 in two months.  Time has gone by so quickly and I had not even noticed. 
I love Michael Jackson and have the kind of respect for him that I don't have for any other person on this earth, but for me personally, the journey has come to an end. 
I have neglected so much in my life only to find out the entire purpose behind this was to "LIVE". Michael needs to live. His children need to live and that's something that he was never able to do. 
I have made many mistakes and kicked down so many bricks in all of this. I let people inside of me and let them have access to parts of me that should have been completely off limits to strangers. I always told people that they should embrace Michael Jackson the man and not the product... But have I? 
The man would never be foolish enough to be such an open book. 


The biggest reason that I am choosing to step away from this is because as a whole, I don't feel like people really have learned anything from this. For almost five months, I endured horrible HORRIBLE abuse from what was supposed to be the  most loving group of people in the world.  MJ fans. Come to find out a lot of people behind this abuse have been doing grotesque and very VERY deceitful things to thousands of people themselves. They were not "exposing" my secrets or calling me out for the better good of the MJ community, but just out of spite and evil because it was something to do.


Who deserves that? Yes they have stopped and I am glad that drama is a thing of the past. But that pain will never subside. People dragging the loss of someone that i love through the mud, People finding personal photographs of me doing a difficult time in my life and making fun of me, starting horrible rumors and attacking  others that I care about . Lying to me, using me and playing with me for their own agendas. Everything that happened to me is a reflection of what happened to Michael and it made me wonder. Is this the cycle? 
Is this the life that will always be for humanity? It definitely dawned on me why Michael would walk away from everything. What happened to me in just a few months, he had to endure for years. 


Do you know what its like to not trust anybody anymore? Do you know what it feels like to feel pain when somebody tells you they "love you" , because you want to believe them but you cant, because believing them equals weakness and weakness equals more pain and disappointment. 
Nobody on this earth will EVER tell me anything about Michael. I literally want to just hold him and let him cry in my arms for hours because the pain he felt, I KNOW. 


This has been a journey for me and I don't have any regrets... However, i'm exhausted. I'm spent.
I have two videos to finish up and then I will be finished with my series.
I never really got to the things that I wanted to, but it doesn't matter. The truth always comes out and it will :)


To those of you who think that you know me and condemn me. Know that you were very mislead and manipulated. I will pray that God is understanding of you and that you don't have to face judgement for casting your stones at me. What happened in August of this year was the most messed up and traumatic things that I have ever gone through. It has done much damage and was not fake. I came into my chatroom hysterically crying the day that Jonathan hurt himself. Many of you people that have hurt me were THERE. It baffles me how you can say such horrible things when you were THERE when I came in so upset that I couldn't breathe... But I forgive all of you. I really wish nothing but the best for everybody and I honestly mean that. I have found my peace and I love Michael. 


I love you very much and I hope that you know that everybody is not out to betray you or hurt you Michael. You have an honest friend in me and I am proving that to you by what I am doing. You can trust me and I hope that I did you proud.  You are not the superstar to me anymore, i've grown and you have taught me well. I wouldn't change a thing and I will never ever question your decisions. You got this ;)


Thanks guys :)  L.O.V.E

Fo' Real Thank ya!

Hey guys! I just wanted everybody to know that I have a series of interesting videos coming out in the next few weeks :) So much going on with Michael that i'm bursting at the seams to get back to work. 

I just want to say thank you for all of my friends that have been supportive in helping me get back to where I need to be. This was a great weekend and im so lucky to have such positive and great people in my life. I really.

Angelos , you are my rock and my love and even though people tried everything in their power to get you to leave me, im so glad that you saw through the jealousy and BS. I love you so much and look forward to MANY more days making you happy. Thank you for being my everything. You wont regret it I promise.

To all of the haters that are still making boring ass videos, still claiming to have dirt on me blah blah. Do you realize that when I opened my facebook I had 36 messages from different people saying that they were disgusted by your jealousy and actions? Do you realize what a joke you are? I guess I havent made myself clear yet. You are not on my level and you never will be. You are not going to make worthy people hate me. You create lies to sell your bullshit but is it really working. I have never told ANYBODY that roger was Michael I am the one that gets pissed off when people say it. I said that Omer was in my room??? Really since I never believed he was in the first place? Jonathan deleted his myspace in JANUARY of 2010. Nobody wrote comments about him being dead before August. 

Jonathan is no longer with us and I cant believe that people are going to bed at night knowing what they are doing trashing a person that as far as they know is dead. You dont "think" that its true? But do you know 100% that its not true? You cant possibly. So my kind of question is, what kind of Satan do you worship to be so evil and cold? You are sick. SICK to be doing what you are doing. It doesnt bother me anymore because I pity you. But seriously have mercy on your fucking souls for what you are doing.

Keep making the videos. PLEASE. I watched my share and will not watch another one again. What it boils down to is, you are jealous, insecure and you want internet fame. LOL its so so sad. SO many people come to me laughing at you V. Swear to God I mentioned my facebook but didnt even mention my youtube. How many people send me messages laughing their asses off at you trying to get popular off of me. Nobody cares about you. But the people that are jealous of me.

Yaws we got a BIG journey ahead. It does not include people who are jealous, pretend to have powers, pretend to be an insider blah blah blah. It includes people that want the truth about the DEATH HOAX. not the truth about what my ass does in my spare time. Stop embarassing yourselves by following these clowns. 

lol fo' real

later gators ;)

WHAT?!

Hell to the NAW that is NOT Michael Jackson on Breaking news

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVDANc0fyX0

:OOOOO

Breaking news

Yo. I just heard breaking news and wanted to comment on it but before I do

before people start talking shit like V is for vagina a.k.a Leahcim Jackson, I just wanted to say that yes I was away at a treatment facility for a week and now im doing outpatient. No it wasn't rehab wtf? But yeah it doesn't matter. 

Hey (V)agina, guess what even though it could have probably fucked me up, i sat down and watched your lame ass videos today and laughed my ass off. HAHAHAHAAHAHA damn! If you are going to bring a bitch down at least get some REAL dirt on me instead of some fucking screenshots and pictures. Get a life you fucking loser. Pissed because nobody believed that you were the 02 guy. Pissed because your a fucking lame that people are just paying attention to because I haven't been around to bring awesome videos. Shut your weak ass up. Bitch I dont need attention or fame. I already have it boo. You are fucking lame and irrelavent. And im attacking people? WHO. I don't give a fuck about you or any other lames on twitter. I dont know who dontplaygamesv is. those videos are just as whack as yours. None of you pathetic bitches are on my level. So shut the fuck up and get over it. Keep making videos about me because though I dont need attention, I fucking love the spotlight and all that you are doing is making me more popular. YOU ARE A FUCKING LAME. You have done NOTHING to prove that I am Elliot or that I created Jonathan. Now you are trying to fuck with Virignia? Who the fuck is scared of you. She is laughing her ass off at your punk ass. Please if Virginia really wanted to give a fuck and took action against your games your ass would be online crying and begging for forgiveness. But guess what boo? NOBODY gives a fuck. You're lame as hell and all of the people that follow and run with you are LAME. 

Even when i WAS fat, I wasnt a loser and looked better than all of you idiots. Grow up and stop trying so hard. That shit is funny. I am totally serious. I laughed my ASS off at your videos. Like for real what did you expose?  

Guys AGAIN whatever happened to me had NOTHING to do with Vagina Creachim or his loser friends. I was away for a week and now I am doing an outpatient program and im feeling GREAT. Please dont get upset or worry about those lame ass videos or these jealous people talking shit. I told everybody that I made a mistake by lying about some pics to protect my friends. I said I was sorry. Time to get the fuck over it or move on. Because I really don't care what people think. SO ANYWAYS.

Breaking news? In my honest opinion I feel like the track is Michael Jackson. If not fully him, his vocals are mixed in there. What I need to know is, what is the point of using someone else on an MJ track? If Michael was dead and Sony has all of these unreleased tracks, why use a fake one? Also I encourage everybody to check out Pearl Jr.s video on her website. :O Shocking about the breaking news preview.

Im working on tons of shit including myself. :) All I have to say is, if you are being attacked by these loser ass haters, IGNORE THEM. These people are not Michael Jackson fans. They are people who listen to his music and think that they know about him. These are people that like to play God but cant back anything up. THEY need attention. But they are irrelevant and nobody is scared of them. I am not a gamer and neither is Virignia, or Elliot or anybody else in my circle. We were all very close friends and we lost a part of us. Respect that and dont pay attention to these people. They are LOSERS. 

My activity online is limited as part as my treatment but you guys have my email, paltalk and skype if you have questions about stuff. Please ignore the drama. Especially from people who are completely morons. 

CCCC YAAA :)

Exclusive from where I be

Hey guys,

I don't have internet access where I am and am doing this blog through my cousins Ipad. I know that this is going against everything that I need to be doing to get better and I was planning on just doing a VLOG when I returned in two weeks, but i've spoken to a people on the telephone and have some knowledge of what is going on and I feel like though I don't have enough time to explain everything, I can at least make some things clear. I have been online one time since last week. I am not Mediahype again or any other person that is making blogs or videos or anything. I don't care who chooses to believe me but I wanted to make that very clear. I read Elliots blog posts the first one and can say that he is telling the truth about everything. There are also a few things that I did not know about. I wish that he had not made the choice to speak for me, but he did and I can't reverse it. What he said was true though and all that I can say is that I am sorry for my part in misleading people. It was selfish to allow something like that to happen without standing my ground and doing what was right, but I felt the need to protect Jonathan and Elliot. 

Listen to me ok? Jonathan was a real person..... Everything that happened on August 5th HAPPENED. It is unbelievably sick for people to sit here everyday and make a mockery of that time in my life. Maybe I was wrong for not being completely honest about that. Maybe I was deserving of it being exposed. But that is the only thing that I EVER lied about and it was simply to protect somebody that I loved and cared about. I hear of people making comments about another person named Jay dying. I have NEVER in my fucking life called Jonathan "JAY".  Jaymar is a childhood friend of mine who DID died in the spring. I call him JAY and anybody that is on my face book MAY recall me facbooking his obit in spring because I was so upset about his passing.

Guys, I made an honest mistake. But I did not spend months manipulating people about carrying a child. I do not stalk people on youtube, twitter and facebook to expose dirt on them in blogs. I don't do these things. I am only half aware of what has been going on the last week or so and honestly I dont care. The only possible dirt that V could have had on me was exactly what Elliot told everybody. There is no gap to bridge between myself, Jonathan, Elliot Virginia, Annie and the Hoax. I have never in my life used Jonathan or his brother in relation to the death hoax. EVER and thats the truth.

I did something very stupid to myself but it actually had very little to do with this stupid internet shit thats going on. I do feel bad about not being honest of one aspect of all of this. But not to the point of actually giving a fuck anymore. All of you guys that are having a blast trashing me with old pictures and trivial shit that has already be revealed. Knock yourselves the  fuck out.  Because at the end of the day, no matter HOW hard you try. You will never EVER be me. You are using my name to make one for yourself and thats really pathetic. I am VERY sorry for the photo aspect of what happened. That is the ONLY thing that i'm guilty of. Are you fucking kidding me? I created Jonathan? For what reason would I have to do that? Because i'm a "gamer"? um???? I make death hoax videos damn good ones at that. I have an extremely premium boyfriend and pretty cool friends. I have no reason to do what i'm being accused of.  EVERYTHING that elliot said is true. Take it or take a fucking hike.

Leave me alone and stop this bullshit. Ok so you think that you exposed a liar? FINE you exposed a liar. Move on with your sorry excuse of lives and leave my name out of your mouths. ALL of you making blogs, twitters and videos etc, just stop it. Even if you think that you're helping I doubt that you are because its keeping the drama rolling.  I will be the FIRST to announce that I dont give a flying FUCK, with FAT ASS Andrea, V is for Vagina, Creachim Leachim and any other losers have to say about me. I really really REALLY dont.  I am strictly sorry to those of my FRIENDS that might be confused about what exactly happened with Jonathan and Elliot. THATS it. I owe anybody else shit. Because people look for reasons to hate you regardless.

My life got all types of fucked up for many reasons and im in the process of fixing that, because I know damned well what im worth. I know what I have to offer the world and people in it and I KNOW my obligation to Michael.  Please PLEASE believe me if you have never believed ANYTHING about me before, BELIEVE me when I say that I dont give a SHIT about these people bashing me. They are idiots with NO evidence of anything. NO proof to support SHIT. NOTHING. They found out about the pictures thing and ran with it. But again WHO GIVES A FUCK? I lied to protect my friends. IM SORRY . IT WAS WRONG.  But I did NOT fucking create these two dudes for some recreational fun. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. It doesnt even make  any logical sense. USE YOUR DAMN BRAINS.  If ANYTHING your story is more FEASIBLE

if you accuse me of being in on FUCKING with people with Jonathan and Elliot. But to say that I got bored and made them up? Are you fucking serious??? GROW UP. GET LIVES. I know that I am SO amazing that you can't stop being obsessed with me. But SERIOUSLY. STOP. Leahcim created a fucking FACEBOOK account pretending to be a PRO-WRESTLER. He is saying he is a Michael Jackson double?? Why is NOBODY saying shit to him? How about Andrea??? OH LAWD!!! Telling people that she was gonna send pictures of her kid and shit and how she had GESTATIONAL DIABETES BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHY IS NOBODY SAYING SHIT TO HER? 

DONT ANSWER THAT!! I dont CARE. LOL. I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY dont care.

If you think that you are "taking me down" or "exposing me" you aren't!!! Because that would mean that I would have to give a fuck about what you are doing! I DONT!  I am fucked up ENOUGH without Internet drama. 

Look, I really AM sorry for not being honest about the photos. It was SHADY and it was WRONG. But I didnt want people fucking with them. IT WAS WRONG. But thats as far as it goes ok? Dude the pictures these fools are releasing are OLD. I am not skinny by ANY means, but im DEF not fat at all anymore and havent been for a few years. But why does that matter???? You are teasing how a person looks? GROW THE FUCK UP! I am NOT returning to this drama and this is the FIRST and LAST time that I am talking about this stupid shit again. I am away doing what I need to do to be the best damn person I can be. Because there are people in my life that DEPEND on me being ok. One of those people being my AMAZING boyfriend whom I fucking LOVE to death and I cant let him down. Guys I made a commitment to this hoax and a commitment to being on this journey of what has happened. These people that have dedicated their time to trashing me and fucking with me DONT care about Michael Jackson. Read V's FIRST blog and read the shit that he/she is doing now. These peoples SOLE purpose to try and destroy me. This douche has a chatroom now?? Are you fucking kidding me??? OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES. 

When I come back (and dont worry I WIL :D) I dont want to hear about any of this bullshit anymore. Its over with. These people can work day and night to tear down my credibility. They REALLY can. But it doesnt matter to me. I said it before I can lose EVERY subscriber on my list, but it does not matter because I was never in this for subscribers. Do what you want to do and believe what you want to believe but keep that shit FAR away from me because I dont care anymore. THIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNET. V or Andrea or WHOEVER THE FUCK does not have a heaven or hell for me. IS NOT MY FINAL ANYTHING. WILL NOT MAKE OR BREAK ME. BITCHES CAN KEEP TRYING BUT I AINT GOING NO MOTHERFUCKING WHERE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?  MY SHIT IS THE BEST, HAS BEEN THE BEST AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE BEST. SOOOOOOOOOO That being said. I will see you guys in a few weeks when im better and ready to take on the world again. I am also adding something special to my youtube channel that I think you will enjoy :)

To all of you that have stood by my side and are choosing to forgive my mistake. You are amazing. For those of you who dont want to forgive my mistake but arent being immature little douche bags, then I respect you and im truly sorry. For those of you that want to make ya self an internet name off of talking shit on me, FUCK YA. Get a life and stop being so creepy because nobody gives a fuck.  You will NEVER break me. Do you understand that?

I love yaws and when I come back we goin have a PARTY UP IN THRILLER NIGHT. VIP bitches. It WILL be password protected. 

BYYYYYYYYYYE :D

FUCK EVERYBODY

FINE JUST FUCKING LEAVE! EVERYBODY DOES ANYWAY!!! :'( :'(
I DIDNT DO SHIT AND NOBODY KNOWS THE FUCKING TRUTH BUT I CANT TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH BECAUSE IRONICALLY I THINK THAT IM THE ONLY HONEST PERSON LEFT ON THIS PLANET.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE'S RIGHT YOU ARE SO DUMB. I KNOW THAT I DON'T DESERVE YOU AND IM NOTHING DIDNT NEED THAT EXTRA REMINDER TONIGHT. FUCK THIS BULLSHIT :'( FUCKING CRUCIFYING ME AND BACKSTABBING ME WITHOUT EVEN COMING TO ME AND ASKING ME WHAT WAS TRUE. AND FUCK YOU FOR JUST LEAVING ME LIKE THAT:'( SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT THE HOAX COMMUNITY REPRESENTS THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE IN IT? WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN A WORLD OF CRUEL PEOPLE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN TRUST WHEN THEY SWEAR THAT THEY LOVE YOU?  IT'S NOT RIGHT AT ALL. HAVING FUN WITH AND MAKING JOKES WITH SOMEBODY THAT HAS DEDICATED THEIR LIFE TO BREAKING ME WITH FUCKED UP ASSUMPTIONS AND THEORIES. WERE YOU ALL APART OF THIS ALL ALONG???? IM WILLING TO TAKE TO MY GRAVE THAT YOU WERE. THAT'S SO FUCKED UP :'( :'( ALL OF YOUR LAST SHITTY WORDS TO ME WAS YOUR LAST TESTIMONY OF HOW YOU FELT ABOUT ME. I HOPE THAT MAKES ALL OF YOU FUCKERS PROUD. GOODBYE :'( :'(